Lies

 I think the most intolerable thing about you is your dishonesty.

You lied about your relationship with Meg from the very beginning. First she was your "roommate", then your abusive ex that you hadn't slept with in two years and couldn't wait to get away from. It was when I was just days from coming that you admitted you loved her and wanted all three of us to "just get along."

You took offence when I asked if you were chatting with her on the drive from Texas to San Francisco, but I can see now that you reacted that way because you were lying. You have probably been dishonest about her abuse; I don't question whether she abuses you, just to what degree you participate in the abuse. I suspect that you're not as passive as you portray. You did admit that on the day she called the police, you'd drunk 10 beers. You were probably just as active in the fight as she was. You have also said something about hitting her, once when you were high when we first got here. I didn't quite understand what you were saying, but it was clear that you're not 100% innocent of the violence you accused her of. She probably called the police for a justifiable reason.

I'm 99% certain you lied when you said she never supported you off that inheritance; in the two years I've known you, you've never kept a job for more than a few months. You might have worked part of the time, but she must have supported you the rest of the time. I imagine you reached out to me (and anyone else you could find on Facebook) conveniently just as she was running out of cash, and you could tell you would be desperate for money soon. You quit your job out of habit that first time, but then you panicked because she couldn't support you anymore so you lied to me to get me to support both of you. When I asked you how you survived lockdown, you lied by not telling the whole truth, which I'm sure was that you lived off the last dregs of her inheritance. All this stuff you left here was bought with her money. That's why I don't feel bad about throwing it away.

Also you were lying when you said you had a breakdown in 2016 and dropped out of college - you dropped out because her father died, she had a breakdown, she wanted to move to (wherever, I forget) and be closer to her family; you tagged along because you needed her to look after you.

You've never been independent.

In January you said you were going to Denton to gain independence, but it was obviously because you prefer to depend on her than on me (but why? Doesn't matter; another lie anyway).

You said Meg trashed your apartment in Santa Fe while you were in prison, but when we got there you admitted it was you.

You were dishonest the first time you went back to Texas; you wanted me to believe you spent the whole time with your mum but I know you were with Meg a lot of the time. You even lied about your new apartment, saying you were there alone, but obviously you're sharing it with her. You didn't "borrow" money from her to pay your rent; she's looking after you again. I don't know how she can stand you. She must know you're full of shit. Oh well, not my problem.

You say you still love me and that's why you still want to chat, but I suspect that the only reason you've been talking to me recently was in hopes of getting money. And to let me think you were planning on coming back so I wouldn't throw away your stuff. Probably every time you said you were looking at flights, those were lies too, told for the same reason.

I feel like every time you've said you loved me it was a lie. You might have feelings for me in some deluded, fantastical way, but let's face it; when we arrived here it was pretty obvious that you didn't know anything about me. You were in love with a fantasy. If you're still using the word "love" in your communications with me, it's a lie, whether to me or to yourself or somewhere in between. I might still represent that fantasy to you.

I was wrong when I said you were Gatsby, trying to repeat the past. You're Daisy, and Meg's Tom. If anyone is Gatsby it's me, completely persuaded by all of your lies. I wasn't trying to repeat the past, but I was sucked into a fantasy that was represented by you and your lies. You were my green light, and like Gatsby, I believed in the green light, in the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us...

“They were careless people, Tom and Daisy- they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money or their vast carelessness or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made.”

You left me to clean up your mess, and clean it up I shall.